Planning a Wedding Ceremony with Rabbi LeighAnn
Don’t know much about Jewish weddings? Stressed about how to piece together an interfaith or intercultural ceremony? Don’t worry. That’s what I’m here for.
Here are the steps we’ll go through to plan your ceremony:
1. Getting to Know You (15-minute phone call)
We’ll schedule a short phone call to share a little about ourselves. After that, I’ll ask:
- When and where is your ceremony? I need to make sure I’ll be available.
- What kind of ceremony do you envision? Tell me everything that comes to mind.
- What are your “must-haves?” What are your “absolutely cannot-haves?”
The answers will help us both decide if we’d like to work together.
When the call is over, you and your beloved should discuss if I’m the right officiant for you. I’ll hold your wedding date on my calendar for one week to give you time to interview other officiants, if you wish, and discuss with your friends and family. At the end of the week, I’ll send you a little reminder to let me know what you’ve decided.
2. Making it Official
If you choose me to officiate your wedding, I’ll then send you a document that outlines the expectations we both agree to going forward. It includes stuff about payment, who brings what to the ceremony, what time I’ll arrive, and what you can expect from the rest of our planning. When you sign it and pay your deposit, we’ll get (officially) started!
I'll send you a Ceremony Planning Binder in the mail. It will include some important information, as well as the Ceremony Planning Outline we'll use during our meetings, and the Relationship Questionnaire I ask couples to fill out at least partially - That helps me to make your ceremony even more personal. To be clear - You don't need to look through this at all before our first meeting, but some people like to. I will share all the same planning tools with you via Google drive when the time comes, so don't stress.
3. Ceremony Basics (1-1.5 hour phone/video call)
Jewish wedding laws and traditions are plentiful, and navigating decisions about them can feel overwhelming. Together, we’ll go step by step through a traditional ceremony. I’ll explain everything and answer all your questions. Click here to check out the planning sheet we’ll use. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sXyYT9K_9hj5RjQ41QC8wQh57d7yRDJBqOWC4kQbOj4/edit?usp=sharing
Once we work through the whole thing, I’ll add you and your beloved to the document as commenters. Some people find this an easy way to ask more questions later, or change the decisions they made when we spoke on the phone. (A bonus is that all changes will be safely recorded.)
You may have some decisions to make before the next time we talk, like:
- What kind of vows do you want to say?
- Do we want to include special readings?
- How much Hebrew and/or God language are you comfortable with?
- What explanation do you want to give for smashing the glass?
And of course, many more. You’ll have a couple weeks to discuss and decide. Of course, you can email me any time with more questions!
4. Relationship Questionnaire
Usually, couples want me to spend a few minutes during the ceremony telling their love story to their attendees. I’ll write a few pages about how you met, what you love about each other, and what your friends and family love about both of you. I’ll give you blessings for the future.
To help me get a deep sense of your personalities and relationship, I’ll ask you to fill out this questionnaire, either separately or together, and return it to me no later than four weeks before the ceremony date. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bnrNUBP4YZnBw-tuOeqyxqFPtRRcHdxzw4b0wK3IPSM/edit?usp=sharing
5. Virtual Run-Through (30 minute phone/video call)
It’s getting real now!
During this meeting, we’ll walk through the ceremony one more time, being careful to highlight any changes and additions that have happened since we last talked.
Is cousin Shira singing a song? Does Zayde really want to chant the kiddush? Have you decided to take the Hebrew out of the second half of the ceremony? Are you each smashing your own glass?
Is there something we won’t know until the morning of the ceremony?
We’ll get it all recorded, for good, NOW.
6. Ceremony Outline Review
I will send you a step-by-step outline of the ceremony no later than three weeks before your ceremony date. It will show you which prayers are being said, and by whom; which parts of the ceremony I’ll explain to your guests; which vows you’ll be saying; which family members are participating and how.
If any of it needs to be changed, this is the time speak now, or forever hold your peace. 😉
I ask that couples approve the ceremony outline in writing via email no later than 2 weeks before the ceremony date.
7. The Big Day!
I’ll arrive an hour and a half before your ceremony start time (or ketubah signing time.) I arrive this early for many reasons:
- I’ll be around to answer anyone’s questions about anything ceremony related.
- I’ll make sure every item we need for the ceremony is in place and that you know where your rings are.
- During this time, the sound people might want to body mic me.
- I’ll make sure to get my hands on your marriage license so that I can sign and send it to the Secretary of State afterward.
- I’ll touch up my lipstick.
- I’ll chat with your soon-to-be mother-in-law.
Whatever is needed to help out in that last, often-frenzied little bit of time before THE moment? That’s what I’m there for.
