The Ketubah ceremony
Ketubah signing is a significant part of Jewish weddings, and many couples have questions about the actual details of the ceremony surrounding it. You’ve arranged for the perfect ketubah, but very often, couples are wondering HOW to sign it - ESPECIALLY if they haven’t seen many (or any!) ketubah signing ceremonies.
My biggest concern is the safety of the Ketubah. After investing time and effort in its creation, it's essential to protect this valuable piece of art. Avoid keeping it rolled up in a tube, as it can risk being forgotten or damaged. Assign a "ketubah minder" from your wedding party to keep an eye on it.
Before the ceremony, unroll your Ketubah and place it in a frame. This not only keeps it safe but also ensures it won't roll under the bed or get creased. It's a practical way to display your beautiful Ketubah, and to keep it safe if you’re observing the custom of displaying it at the chuppah or your reception (which most couples do.)
Ketubah signing can happen anywhere, just as long as it’s clean; it's a piece of paper, after all. Find a flat surface that’s large enough to entirely unroll the ketubah on. However, consider having a clear and visually pleasing space. Your photographer will appreciate it, and it can make the moment even more special. If you're looking for inspiration, check out Drs. Rachel and Josh G's beautiful Ketubah signing space on our blog.
Allocate at least 20 minutes for the Ketubah signing. While the actual signing may take less time, allowing for extra time ensures that you won't feel rushed. It's a significant moment on your big day, designed to help you ease into THE big moment - your ceremony. Allow yourself enough time for your guests to gather and for your photographer to be there waiting to take great photos. I recommend bringing in champagne/drinks and snacks for you and your guests to enjoy AFTER signing.
The choice of witnesses is flexible, especially if you're an interfaith couple. Traditionally, Jewish law required two Jewish males - I don’t require that. HOWEVER, your witnesses should not be related to you. Another thing couples often ask me - no, you don’t have to sign in Hebrew! Jews have been performing sacred acts in their everyday language for centuries upon centuries. The importance of signing a ketubah cannot be negated by signing names in English. Most importantly, I would never want your anxiety around writing in Hebrew to ruin the moment!
The Ketubah ceremony can be personalized to your liking. As a rabbi who specializes in interfaith weddings, I will guide you through various options during our planning sessions. A lot depends on the friends and family you’ve invited to the ceremony. Some couples prefer explanations during the signing, while others might invite their guests to ask questions. It's a flexible moment where you can decide what feels right for you.
**The "Thing with the Handkerchief"**
The symbolic act of Kinyan Suddar, involving a handkerchief, is a beautiful addition to the Ketubah signing. It offers an emotional and memorable element to the ceremony, creating a unique moment that represents the bond you're forming.
After signing the Ketubah, take a moment to relax and celebrate with a mazal tov. Photographers love capturing this moment, and it's an excellent time to greet early guests. Rabbi Leigh Ann will take care of ensuring your Ketubah is safely framed and displayed if that's your plan.
**What If You Don't Sign the Ketubah?**
While it's not ideal, if you forget to sign the Ketubah, or it’s missing in action, don't worry. It doesn't invalidate your wedding. Today’s emergency will hopefully be tomorrow’s funny story about something that went wrong, but ultimately didn’t impact the day all that much. A good rabbi or officiant will know this, and will be able to keep everyone calm. Rest assured that any officiant that knows what she’s doing will work with you to find a solution if your Ketubah is far from your wedding location.
Ketubah signing is a significant part of Jewish weddings, and with some preparation and care, it can be a beautiful and memorable experience. Remember, it’s a ritual there to serve the two of you, and what you need and want out of your wedding day. Don’t let anyone tell you that your decisions around it are “wrong” or “not how things are done.” That’s never true of a Jewish wedding.
