Premarital Counseling - Do I Require or offer it as a wedding rabbi?
It's the end of August here in Ohio, and despite the sweltering heat, I'm already getting excited about Rosh Hashanah, which is just two weeks away. It's a rare occurrence in Ohio, I must say. But enough about the weather; let's get into something that many of you have come here to learn about —premarital counseling.
Premarital counseling is one of the most common questions I receive from couples planning their weddings, especially those who are hesitant about the idea. I understand; wedding planning is a whirlwind of cake tastings, venue tours, meetings with vendors, and family gatherings. The thought of adding more to the mix can be overwhelming. But let's unpack this topic .
First and foremost, do I require premarital counseling from my couples? The answer is a straightforward "No." I do not require premarital counseling, nor do I offer it as part of my wedding officiant services. However, I do recommend it in certain cases, and that’s where it gets a bit more nuanced—it depends on your specific situation as a couple.
Let's start with why I don't require premarital counseling. One of the fundamental reasons is my strong belief in trusting one's intuition or, as I like to say, "trusting your gut." In today's world, we have a wealth of information at our fingertips, and with that comes an abundance of opinions. It's easy to find conflicting advice on almost any topic, which can lead to confusion and doubt.
I've been married for nearly 19 years, and while I've gained invaluable experience from my own marriage, I fully acknowledge that I can't apply my insights to every unique relationship out there.
Additionally, I hold deep respect for specialized professions, including counseling. Becoming a counselor requires extensive training, education, and a profound understanding of human complexities. I recognize that I'm not qualified to provide the level of counseling that couples may need.
Moreover, I believe that the future of a marriage is unpredictable. Life throws curveballs that can change the course of our lives in an instant. No matter how well we think we know our partners, we can't predict how they'll react to life's challenges. It's one of the reasons why I don't believe anyone can confidently predict the longevity of a relationship, even with the best intentions.
I also acknowledge that couples come from diverse backgrounds and faiths. While I can offer guidance on Jewish traditions and interfaith matters, I cannot provide the comprehensive support needed for interfaith couples when it comes to other faiths. Seeking guidance from professionals within one's specific faith community is often a more suitable approach.
Now, while I don't require premarital counseling, I'm not against possibly offering it one day! I could envision scenarios where it might be beneficial, particularly in addressing Jewish-specific issues. For instance, discussions about how to run an interfaith home or incorporating Jewish traditions into your life could be areas where I could offer guidance.
