“But We’re Not Religious!”
Why should we have a Jewish wedding if we’re not religious?
Okay. Let’s talk about choosing a Jewish wedding ceremony even for couples who do not identify as religious.
Acknowledging Non-Religious Perspectives: It's completely valid to voice your reservations about religious aspects, such as not believing in G-d or that you haven’t felt like setting foot in synagogue since your bar mitzvah. I hear you. While I won't remain neutral – after all, I host a podcast dedicated to Jewish weddings – I'm here to provide information that will hopefully help you feel secure in whatever decision you end up making.
The Jewish Identity Beyond Faith: Your Jewish identity is not solely defined by religious beliefs. This is a point I've emphasized time and again. Even without a deep religious connection, you are part of a historical tapestry that spans generations. Your journey is intrinsically linked to a shared history, a vibrant culture, and the unique experience of being Jewish.
Customs Rooted in Culture: Jewish customs have evolved through history, encompassing both cultural and religious elements. Some customs, like the exchange of rings, were influenced by neighboring communities. These customs embody a sense of belonging and continuity. While they may not resonate from a strictly religious perspective, they hold value as threads that weave your story into the broader fabric of Jewish tradition.
Respecting Individual Beliefs: Your doubts about G-d or religious beliefs matter, and YOUR preferences should guide your wedding ceremony - not those of anyone else. There's SO MUCH flexibility in how you approach the elements of a Jewish wedding. The language can be tailored to honor your convictions, steering clear of anything that causes discomfort for you or your beloved OR either of your families. I promise. .
Navigating Interfaith Concerns: If interfaith dynamics are a concern, remember that Jewish weddings often transcend theological differences. Religious belief does not need to take center stage in your ceremony - or any part of the stage at all. Instead, the ceremony should be about the two of you and your love for one another; your love story and your vision of your future together.
Celebrating Your Unique Story: I don’t want you to worry that a Jewish wedding will mean it’s not a “you” wedding. At the core of a Jewish wedding – and indeed, any wedding – is your unique love story. This is about you, your partner, and your beautiful life ahead. It's an opportunity to craft a ceremony that celebrates your connection and showcases what makes your relationship special.
It’s Nice to Have a Rabbi on Your Side: While nobody technically needs a rabbi to have a Jewish wedding, having one by your side offers so many benefits. Whether it's guidance on wedding traditions, assistance with education, or simply being a resource for significant life questions, a rabbi can offer support when needed.
Reflecting on Your Ancestry: Examining the traditions of our ancestors can be a profound experience. By incorporating elements of a Jewish wedding, though, couples can honor a legacy that has stood the test of time. It's an homage to the resilience and shared journey of the Jewish people.
Conclusion: I understand that this post might not instantly change your mind - it wasn’t meant to. My job is to help you think through the decision, not to change your mind. :)
HOWEVER, my hope is that it serves as a thoughtful starting point, a space to contemplate the significance of a Jewish wedding ceremony beyond religious parameters.
As you continue exploring, remember that this journey is yours to shape. Feel free to reach out with questions, thoughts, or to delve deeper into the rich tapestry of Jewish wedding traditions. There's always more to learn, more to understand, and more to discover.
